Another irony is that it wasn’t until my eighteenth birthday and after I had been out almost every weekend for a year, that I was shyly and reluctantly talked into going out on a real date with a man. I expected a quiet dinner with my much older date but his kiss would literally change everything about how I looked at myself as a transvestite and as a pretty girl.I slowly came to realize that all this dressing up and my urge to be so feminine and pretty had implications that I had long been in denial about. Being made love to by a man for the first time was not only shockingly unexpected but it rocked my world in ways I still struggle to describe. It was so powerful and so intense that it left me dazed in wonder and confusion. For whatever reasons being made love to by a man made me feel like the most attractive and sensual woman in the world. It almost seemed absurd to feel that way while having my own seven ample inches of maleness. I had apparently been both super naïve and in. "Mmm, mmm," I replied, "I's seen yo' puppy dog eyes. I's not happy," Ideclared."Listen bitch," said Kiana as she suddenly got a huge burst of aggressionand courage, "I's talk to whatever man I's want !! And just because I betalkin' to yo' boo don't means I's tryin to get in his pants or nuthin'!!" She stood up and squared up to me, looking me right in the eye. Ihad stumbled into my first "bitch fight" with another girl !! At thismoment I was all Tanisha, having to defend my identity as a black girland my standing with my boyfriend.DeShaun was now in the middle of the fight, as two girls went to war overhim."Oh no you didn' !!!" I declared loudly, as Kiana had just called me a"Bitch !!" This was one of the ultimate insults that black women can orcould throw back and forth."Oh yea I did," replied Kiana, "I got's some high school filly cumin' upin here all tellin me which man I can's and can'ts chill wif'." You's can go wif' any man, but DeShaun be mine," I declaredaffirmatively. .
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